


Slipping Away

by olgushka



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Break Up, Cheating, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Moving On, Post-Break Up, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10069526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olgushka/pseuds/olgushka
Summary: When you realize that your fiance is cheating on you, the whole world crashes down.





	1. Realization.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler watches him slip away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration: Sia - [_Confetti_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNdmBL2mdQg)

Tyler _knows_. Of course he knows. His pride is in pieces but he never says anything. He waits.

\- - -

The small lamp is on and the room is filled with the dim light. There are shadows on the walls and a full moon outside the window. The right side of the bed is cold and empty.

Tyler lies on his back, holding a book in his hands. He tries to focus on the plot but ends up reading the same page over and over again, not understanding a single sentence. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he puts the novel back on the shelf above the headboard and rubs his hands over his face. The digital clock on the bedside table reads five minutes to eleven. 

Finally, someone unlocks the front door. Someone walks down the hallway and turns to the kitchen (Tyler can tell by the fading sound of the footsteps). Someone walks back out into the hallway, someone puts something heavy on the coffee table in the living room. The footsteps get closer and the bedroom door slowly creeks open. 

Josh seems to be taken aback by the sight in front of him but then he puts on one of his charming smiles, steps closer to the bed and leans down, unbuttoning his white dress shirt at the same time. He leaves a long chaste kiss on Tyler's lips. 

„Why are you still up?” Josh asks, carelessly throwing his shirt over the back of the armchair. He pushes his pants down and they land next to the shirt a few seconds later. 

„Couldn't sleep.” Tyler replies. „You had to stay in the office again?”

„Yeah, well... Workin' late to pay our bills and stuff.” Josh chuckles. „I'm gonna take a quick shower. I'll be back before you can say _chumbawamba_.” He winks and leaves the room.

Tyler plays with the ring on his finger and listens to the sound of water hitting the shower cabin walls. He decides that whoever's scent stayed on Josh's neck, they have a really good taste in perfume.

\- - -

Tyler loads the dirty laundry to the washing machine. He picks up one of Josh's long-sleeved dress shirts and bites his lip, hesitating. Before he can stop himself, he presses the material under his nose and sniffs. He does the same thing with every single shirt he finds in the laundry basket.

Even if the scent on the collar has mostly faded away and mixed with a smell of sweat, Tyler can still recognize the scent of unfamiliar perfume. Josh doesn't use the oriental fragnance. Tyler doesn't use it either.

\- - -

The sand under their feet is dry and warm. The beach is full of people, the sky is full of color and the sun slowly gets lower, preparing itself to hide.

Tyler loves sunsets. He's obsessed with sunsets and loves them even more since Josh dropped in front of him on one knee and put the ring on his finger, using the setting sun as the background for the proposal. Tyler is sappy and romantic, and he loves cliche things.

They walk hand in hand, eating chocolate ice-creams and Tyler can't keep his eyes off the bloody-red sky mixed with pink and orange clouds. He snaps back into reality when the melting popsicle starts dripping down his hand. 

„Oh, crap.” He mutters and starts licking it off his fingers.

Soon enough everything feels sticky. Josh stops in front of him and giggles. He motions to Tyler's cheek. 

„You have a little bit of... Wait, let me.” He says and puts his lips on Tyler's skin. He kisses his way down Tyler's jaw, eventually connecting their lips. 

Under different circumstances, there would be ten thousand butterflies in Tyler's stomach. But when they stand there now, kissing slowly with Josh's hand caressing his dirty cheek, it doesn't feel like being kissed by his fiance anymore. It feels like being kissed by a stranger.

Tyler washes his hands in the ocean and they sit down on the sand, staring at the water. Josh puts his arm over his shoulders and pulls him closer. They sit in silence for a long while because quiet moments between them have never been awkward. Tyler laces his fingers with Josh's and smiles widely.

„Our love was so strong. When we first started dating, I really thought my heart wouldn't take it.” He laughs. „It was always me and you against the world. You used to promise me _forever_. Every single day. It _was_ nice.” 

Josh hums in agreement and squeezes Tyler's hand. Tyler rests his head on Josh's shoulder and watches the sun disappearing slowly below the horizon. He decides he doesn't mind that Josh didn't correct him about using the past tense.

\- - -

They're cooking lunch together and Tyler mixes the sauce in the pan. Josh is standing right next to him, chopping vegetables and talking about his recent adventures at work. Tyler listens, staring at the hickey on Josh's neck. He's sure he wasn't the one leaving it on his skin.

\- - -

The TV is on and their favorite sit-com is playing but Josh doesn't pay attention. He sits on the opposite end of the couch with his phone in his hand and types something. Tyler stares at him for a while: watches him smile at the screen, watches him blush. It's almost an unnoticeable shade of pink but after years of being in a relationship Tyler has the ability to notice the tiniest changes that are impossible to see for other people.

After a few more minutes Josh puts the phone down and looks at Tyler. Their eyes meet and they smile at each other. Tyler takes the opportunity to shift closer and press himself against Josh's side. He puts his hand under Josh's t-shirt and caresses his stomach, placing a kiss on his jaw. He nibbles on his earlobe for a while and finally, climbs on top of the other man, straddling his legs. He kisses him on the lips and Josh responds, making their tongues meet each other but as soon as Tyler's hands wander to his belt, Josh catches his wrists and pulls them back up. 

„Not today.” He says. „I'm exhausted. I think I'll call it a night.”

„We haven't had sex in a while.” Tyler nuzzles his nose against his cheek. „Almost a month, to be exact.”

„It's not that long.” Josh replies and gently pushes Tyler off his lap. He kisses him one last time and stands up, leaves the living room and heads straight to the bedroom. Tyler takes a deep breath and exhales through his nose.

In the morning, Josh wakes him up with a blowjob. He brings Tyler to his orgasm and then fucks him roughly, pinning him down to the mattress.

There's nothing passionate or romantic about it, the way Josh pounds into him with rhythmical thrusts. Tyler holds onto him, digs his fingers into Josh's shoulders and keeps his ankles crossed over the other man’s lower back. He stares at the ceiling when Josh pushes his face into the crook of Tyler's neck and pants against his skin, never slowing down. 

When he finally comes with a loud groan, Tyler decides that not having sex for a month was much better than this.

\- - -

Josh's phone is password protected. Tyler knows it, of course he knows it. He snatches the phone from the coffee table when Josh chats to the delivery guy at the door and quickly types the password in. He is, but at the same time he is _not_ surprised when he finds out that the password he entered is _wrong_.

Tyler puts the phone away.

Josh comes back with the package.

„Hey, bookworm. Your new babies are here!” He says excitedely and places the heavy box on the couch next to Tyler.

\- - -

The bar is crowded even if it's only seven in the evening. Tyler makes his way among round tables and sits down on the stool right in front of the bartender. He's not sure what made him come here in the first place and why the desire to get a drink was so strong but he stops questioning it anymore as soon as the guy places the glass in front of him.

He keeps the straw between his teeth and sips slowly, trying not to make a face even if the liquid burns his throat. He focuses his eyes on a small TV above his head. There's a rugby match on and even if he has no idea what the rules are, he keeps watching it just to make himself look like he actually knows what he's doing here. 

He finishes his drink and leaves the money on the counter. One glass is enough, he didn't come here to get wasted. He's on his way back to the exit when his eyes land on the familiar silhouette. He stops and blinks, staring at the person's back. He already knows who sits at the table in the furthest corner of the room and Tyler's glad that he can see only his fiance's back and the brown curls at the back of his head. Josh is not alone, he has his arms around another men and he laughs at the things he says, kissing his cheek in the meantime.

Tyler doesn't know what stings more: the fact that Josh is really cheating on him or that Tyler knows the other guy pretty well. 

He looks at them calmly. They seem happy and Josh keeps looking at Jesse with wide heart-eyes like he used to look at Tyler. He's not the one to throw a tantrum in the middle of the crowded bar so instead, he fishes his phone out of his pocket and types a message.

 _Hey, baby. Still at work? I made dinner_.

He watches as Josh pecks Jesse on the lips, reaches to his pocket and pulls out his phone. He quickly types something back and Tyler's iPhone buzzes in his hand.

_Yeah, sorry, stuck in the office :( two more raports. don't wait up. Love you x_

Tyler knows it was a long time coming. He exhales.

When Josh gets back home a few hours later and slides under the covers after taking a quick shower, Tyler immediately rolls over and snuggles against his side. He puts his head on Josh's chest and listens to his heartbeat. Josh pulls him closer and kisses the top of his head.

„I love you.” He murmurs. 

Tyler doesn't answer. He closes his eyes. He decides he's glad that they have never had the time to set the wedding date.

\- - -

„Are you happy, Josh?” Tyler starts, sitting at the kitchen table, typing quickly on his laptop.

„I am.”

„Do I make you happy?”

„Of course, Ty.”

„Does Jesse make you happy?” Tyler asks, without any emotion in his voice. Josh freezes with a glass of water lifted halfway to his lips. Tyler continues typing. „I'm glad he does.”

\- - -

Tyler doesn't want to make a scene, he doesn't want to fight, he doesn't want to part ways yelling or throwing meaningless words at each other. He simply waits until Josh leaves for his morning shift and as soon as the front door closes with a click, he gets up and puts his plan to work.

Packing doesn't take long and he's surprised to find out that all of his belongings fit in only two average sized travel bags, one big cardboard box and a backpack. He cleans up the apartment, leaving everything in order. He changes the sheets and opens the window to let the fresh air in. He throws away all the things he won't need and takes the trash out. He chats with the neighbor on the staircase for a few minutes and greets her dog who happily wings its tail and licks his neck when Tyler squats down to pet it. 

He walks back inside and sends an e-mail to his boss to announce that he's quitting. He slides the ring off his finger and leaves it on Josh's bedside table. He doesn't write any notes. He takes the last look around the bedroom and smiles when his eyes land on the photos hanging on the wall. 

He shakes his head, sighs and closes the door. He loads all of his things into the trunk of his car. He shuts the lid, takes one last look at the apartment complex he lived in for the last few years, climbs into the driver's seat and starts the engine.

He drives to Josh’s workplace and enters the building, stopping in front of the receptionist desk. She looks up at him. Once they lock eyes, she smiles brightly.

„Tyler! Hi!” She stands up and gathers him in a hug. „Josh has the meeting with-”

„I know.” He interrupts her and nods. „I'm only stopping by for a minute. I have a favor to as, can you give these to him?” He puts the keys to the apartment on the desk. „I won’t need them anymore.”

Debby frowns and looks at him with a confused expression on her face. He wishes her all the best and before she can start asking uncomfortable questions, he turns on his heel and leaves.

Once he climbs into his car again, he pulls out his phone. He types a message and his hands are steady like never before.

_Take care of him._

He sends it to Jesse and turns off his phone. He plans to change his number. He pulls away from the curb and drives East, smiling when he leaves Los Angeles. He’s old-fashioned and hates GPS so he pulls a map out of the glovebox and spreads it on the passenger seat. He’s ready for a two-thousand mile roadtrip.

Tyler decides he won't cry. He hasn't cried in months, he hasn’t cried when he found out about Josh’s unfaithfulness and he won't cry now. He decides he doesn't regret it.

\- - -

„Tyler?”

„Hi, mom.”

„Son!” His mother laughs and gathers him in her arms. „What are you doing here?”

„I guess I'm back in Columbus.” He smiles.


	2. Coping.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler tries to cope with the break-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration: Tove Lo - [_Habits (Stay High)_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAdMGA6XI3M)

It was supposed to be easy. The plan was simple: get back to Columbus, catch up with old friends and family, move on with life.

Now the plan is long forgotten because Tyler doesn't cope too well. 

The truth is, he doesn't cope _at all_.

\- - -

He stays in his mother's house for a month but after she starts being impatient with him, he rents a small apartment in the city.

He knows she means well. She wants him to move on and he wants to move on as well but it's too hard. Because he was too much in love. He's still too much in love. There was a ring on his finger and the list of the wedding guests in his head and a perfect vision of kids - preferably twins - running around the house of his dreams and now there's _nothing_. Only endless pain. 

It all crashes down on him one night - the realization that he's not as strong as he thought he was. That he's not okay with what happened and even if he has tried so many times to tell himself that all he wants for Josh is to be happy, he can't bring himself to truly feel that way. 

Even if he makes sure that there's absolutely nothing in his possession that once belonged to his ex-fiance, every little thing reminds him of the man. 

He can't eat cereal without thinking of _Josh_ , can't walk past Starbucks without his eyes watering because it's _Josh’s_ favorite place to get coffee. He can't watch TV anymore because that's what they usually did together and he can't listen to the radio because every damn song reminds him of _Josh_.

Every night, he falls asleep with Josh in his mind. Every morning, he wakes up to the thought of him. It's been months, yet he still prepares two plates, out of habit, when he makes breakfast. He still catches himself typing _have a good day at work!_ messages to Josh during the day even if the other man's phone number is no longer on his contact list. Each time when he realizes what he's doing, he bursts into tears. 

Usually, the extra plate lands on the floor, breaking in pieces. The phone hits the wall. It always survives but the screen keeps cracking more and more after each breakdown.

He tells himself that it was his own fault. It must have been his fault because why else Josh would seek love in another man's arms? He must have done something wrong and now he has nothing left because he was not good enough for his fiance.

\- - -

He misses Josh to the point where his heart physically aches. Missing him makes the dark thoughts come to life and overwhelm his mind. He doesn't bother with finding a job. He ignores his mother who tries to convince him to get back in touch with his old therapist.

Instead, he spends his days rotting in bed. Sometimes he sits in an empty bathtub for hours, with the take away boxes scattered all around the bathroom floor. It becomes his favorite place in the apartment. He lives in his bathtub, yet he barely washes up.

He knows he's put on some weight. Not moving all day and stuffing your mouth with greasy food does that to you. He doesn't care. He doesn't care because there's no one around to touch him anyway. 

He touches himself for the first time in weeks and comes with Josh's name on his lips. 

Tears spill from his eyes before he can stop them.

He screams.

\- - -

The first time he really goes out is on his birthday, five months after moving back to Ohio.

He takes a warm bath, shaves, styles his hair, brushes his teeth and finds some clean clothes. He even puts on a little bit of cologne his mother gave him for Christmas last year. 

He ends up in the bar on the other side of the city. He drinks alone but eventually a group of strangers invites him to their table after watching him mope for an hour. He tells them that it's his birthday and that he's falling apart because his fiance cheated on him. 

_What a bitch_ , someone says, _she's not worth your tears, man_. He ducks his head, staring at the bottom of the glass. He never tells them that his ex-fiance is a male. 

They quickly help him forget, pouring drinks down his throat, one after another. He comes back home at four in the morning, smashed out of his mind. He wakes up in the late afternoon only to empty his bladder and throw up. After that, he goes back to sleep. The hangover is still too strong and his head feels like exploding. For a moment he's not sure what his own name is. 

He wakes up at half past five in the morning the next day, when the first ray of sunshine shyly invites itself into his bedroom. His head doesn't hurt anymore and he can finally think more clearly. He spends another half an hour buried under the covers, playing Candy Crush.

When he finally climbs out of the bed and looks at himself in the mirror, the realization hits him in the face: for the first time in months his mind went blank and Josh wasn't able to invide his thoughts. 

For the first time in months, he was free of pain. Even if it was only for a day.

\- - -

He quickly turns it into a habit. He goes out, always ending up in bars and clubs. He dances, drinks, comes back home, throws up, goes to sleep. The whole circle repeats every two or three days.

When the alcohol stops being enough, he finds his fun in joints and cigarettes. Sometimes cocaine, if he meets the right people. 

His savings keep disappearing from his bank account, slowly but efficiently, but he doesn't care. He finally finds the way to mute his thoughts. He's finally numb. He's finally able to keep Josh off his mind. 

When he ends up in the sex club for the first time, he doesn't have any expectations. He watches people, watches them kiss and grind against each other. Just a few months ago the view would make him blush and run away. Right now, he's not even nervous. If anything, he feels restless. There's a tingling sensation in his belly and a growing need for sex. He wants someone to take him home and use him until he passes out. Anything to keep his mind busy. 

He comes back home alone that night. It's fine. His next late-night adventure ends with receiving a blowjob in the gay club restroom.

He picks it up as another hobby. He visits bars and clubs and shamelessly flirts with hot guys. Sometimes he wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, next to a stranger he doesn't even remember the name of. Sometimes he hooks up with people in alleys and parking lots. Sometimes he ends up having sex with three different guys in one night. 

Someone tells him that he's way too easy. Someone else tells him that he's a cheap whore. He agrees.

\- - -

The stranger is beautiful. His jawline looks like the finest Michelangelo's work. Tyler is not sure if he's even real but that's what his eyes see. His drugged up mind might as well play tricks on him.

The stranger talks but Tyler is too dizzy to engage himself in a casual conversation. He asks the guy if he wants to fuck but the stranger kindly declines his offer. 

Tyler stands up from the table and leaves with a frustrated groan, blending in the crowd of sweaty, dancing bodies. He doesn't have time for pointless talks. He wants his mouth on someone or someone else's mouth on him. 

He drinks too much that night and his stomach rebels against him. He's aware that mixing different types of alcohol was an idiotic idea. He always sticks to Vodka & Red Bull but this time too many different colorful drinks have made their way down his throat in the last couple of hours.

He throws up, barely making it to the restroom on time. He kneels next to the toilet bowl for fifteen minutes before his stomach calms down and he doesn't feel nauseous anymore. He stumbles out of the bathroom stall and grips the edge of the sink to stop his hands from shaking. He rinses his mouth and washes his face. 

He doesn't notice anyone else behind him until there are hands on his hips and puffs of hot, stinky breath right next to his ear. He’s not sure if he’s up for anything sexual anymore. He wants to say something but his tongue doesn’t cooperate and he feels like passing out any second. He doesn't even register being led outside but then his back hits the cold, bricked wall at the back of the bar. 

He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment when the dark spots start clouding his vision. He feels like a limp puppet, barely holding himself up. His belt is being unbuckled and his fly unzipped. 

„Get the fuck away from him.” Someone says loudly but Tyler can't bring himself to look up. Lifting his head would take too much effort. „Don't you see that he's totally fucking out of it!? Fucking leave now or I will call the cops! This is a fucking rape attempt, you scum!”

The other body stops pressing against him and Tyler's legs finally give out. He slides down the wall and sits on the cold ground. There's another pair of hands on him now – smooth, warm hands - and someone pats his cheek a couple of times. 

„Hey, can you hear me?” The stranger asks, tilting Tyler's chin up. 

Tyler cracks his eyes open and realizes it's the same guy that he abandoned earlier that night. His eyelids droop again and he lets out a shaky breath.

„You'll be okay.” The stranger says quietly, stroking his cheek. „You'll be okay.”

He doesn't remember anything else.

\- - -

He wakes up on the leather couch in the overly expensive-looking living room. Everything screams _money!_ but Tyler doesn't really remember who took him home last night. He pulls the fleece blanket over his head to block the light that irritates his eyes. He doesn't hear anything until there's a voice right above his head.

„Headache?”

He slowly pushes the warm material down, frowning. He glances at the stranger and suddenly remembers falling in love with the perfect jawline.

He slowly sits up, accepting pills and a glass of water. He chugs it down in one go.

They don't talk. They just stare at each other for a long moment, until the stranger moves and sits down on the edge of the coffee table in front of the couch. Tyler tucks his legs underneath him and drops his gaze.

„You're better than this, you know.” The stranger says eventually. His voice is calm and steady, there's no single hint of judgement in the friendly tone. „I go to the club every Friday, just to get some drinks with my workmates. You're always there. I always see you leaving with someone else. You're always drunk and high. I also have this weird feeling that you go there more often, not only on Fridays.”

Tyler doesn't say anything. He’s not obligated to explain himself to a complete stranger. He wants to leave but he doesn’t feel strong enough to stand up. His knuckles turn white from how hard he’s gripping the empty glass.

The stranger notices his nervous movement and reaches out, gently unwrapping Tyler's fingers from around the glass and putting it aside on the table. 

„It's okay, you don't have to tell me anything.” The man smiles and gets ready to stand up.

Something in Tyler breaks.

„I just want to numb the pain.” He blurts out before he can stop himself. „I want to forget.”

„Forget?”

„Forget _him_. Forget that I miss _him_ , every single day of my life, even if _he_ doesn't deserve it.”

„What happened?” The stranger asks softly, tilting his head to the side. „Did he hurt you?”

„Yes.”

„But you still love him.”

Tyler hesitates.

„Yes.”

„Getting drunk or high every night won't get you anywhere. You're hurting but you're also risking getting hurt even more. Last night was a close call.” The man sighs, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. „You probably think that you know what you're doing but believe me, you-”

„Why do you care!?” Tyler snaps angrily, cutting him off mid-sentence. „This is my life and if I choose to live it that way, I will.”

„Do you really want to live it that way?” The stranger smiles sadly and Tyler finds himself silent. He swallows nervously and bites his lip. The other man straightens up, clapping his hands. „Anyway!” He says cheerfully. „Do you want to stay for late breakfast? Or maybe early lunch. I can make something light so it doesn't upset your stomach. I know I don't look like one but I swear, I'm a great cook!”

\- - -

Tyler stays.

And learns the stranger's name later.

And maybe with time, Brendon's apartment becomes his new favorite place to escape the prison of his loud mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last night, a wave of inspiration hit me right in the face so I've decided to continue this. There will be one more chapter. ~~Yes, Josh will return.~~


	3. Moving on.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler learns to move on.

When Brendon announces another dinner meeting with his business partners, Tyler can't stop himself from rolling his eyes. 

„Hey, don't do that.” Brendon scolds playfully, pointing his finger at him.

„Do I really need to be there?” Tyler asks. „You know I hate those things.”

„Look.” The other man comes closer and wraps his arms around Tyler's waist. „I'm about to sign one of the most _important_ contracts in my life. And it's very _important_ to me to have the most _important_ person in my life by my side while I do that.”

Tyler relaxes in his arms.

„Did you really think that using the word _important_ in every sentence would get you anywhere?”

„Yes. Did it work?”

Tyler laughs.

„You're lucky I love you.”

\- - -

It's not the first time Tyler is going to eat a fancy dinner with his husband and his work partners and pretend like he's having the best time ever. It's not the first time and Tyler is already used to this kind of life but his anxiety still jumps high every time, even if it's Brendon who always discusses business stuff and negotiates terms. Most of the time Tyler has no idea what they're even talking about.

He usually feels out of place and never says much but he knows that Brendon finds strange comfort in having him close. 

Brendon says that he doesn't get nervous. Well, he's definitely the most confident person Tyler has ever known. But sometimes even the toughest guys have their moments of weakness and Brendon is no different. 

Whenever the important conversation stops going smoothly, Brendon reaches under the table and finds Tyler's hand. He squeezes it and plays with the younger man's fingers until he gets back on track. The spark is back in his eye, he puts his charming smile on and always wins every meeting.

So even if Tyler is not a fan of going out and sitting at the table with a bunch of rich guys - he will do it. For Brendon. If having Tyler at his side is supposed to help somehow again, then fine - he will push his anxiety to the side and suffer through another dinner in a five-star restaurant, smiling politely and pretending that his tie is not cutting off his air and he knows how to eat a freaking lobster. 

But that's what you get when you agree to marry a CEO of a quite important company.

\- - -

„How do I look?” Tyler asks, standing in front of the large mirror in their bedroom, running his fingers through his hair the last time.

Brendon looks over his shoulder and meets his gaze in the mirror. He smiles, comes closer and fixes Tyler's tie.

„Like ten million dollars. I would gladly undress you from this pretty suit if we didn't have to leave in ten minutes.”

\- - -

They're the first to arrive and Tyler exhales in relief. He never feels comfortable when it turns out that they're the last ones joining the table when everyone is already sitting down. Tyler is paranoid and he believes that everyone always judges his every move.

The waiter brings them two glasses of lemon water and Tyler gladly takes a few sips. He's nervous, again. Brendon knows it. He tries to distract him, coming up with ideas for spending their next free weekend together. 

But he also can't help and glance at his watch a couple of times in a row. The meeting should have started ten minutes ago. 

„Call Dallon.” Tyler offers.

„Maybe I should wait a little bit longer. It's been ten minutes, I don't want them to think I'm just an impatient dude who only wants to...” Brendon's voice trails off and he looks in the direction of the main entrance to the restaurant. „Finally.”

Tyler doesn't even try to turn around to look at the guests. He knows it would be impolite to stare.

„I'm sorry we're late, Mr. Urie.” Brendon's assistant's voice rings behind Tyler's back. „Our Uber driver took the wrong turn.”

„It's absolutely fine, Dallon. We haven't been waiting that long.” Brendon smiles and stands up, fastening the button of his suit jacket. „Welcome to Columbus.”

„Thank you.” A strangely familiar voice says and Tyler frowns.

He copies his husband’s movements and pushes his chair back, standing up. He turns around. 

And then, he stops breathing.

\- - -

„It's good to finally meet you in person, Josh.” Brendon shakes the other man's hand. „This is my husband, Tyler.”

The silence that follows after the introduction is sickly deafening. Time freezes and Tyler tries his best not to throw up.

Josh stares at him in shock and Debby looks completely terrified. She can’t stop looking at the two of them, clutching a big pile of documents close to her chest. 

Josh slowly extends his hand and Tyler takes it, shaking it hesitantly, never breaking their eye-contact.

„Is everything alright?” Brendon asks with a confused chuckle. „Do you guys know each other or something?”

„No.” Tyler says quickly and shakes his head before Josh can open his mouth. He drops the other man's hand. „No. Sorry. I'm Tyler. Nice to meet you.”

„Nice to meet you too. This is Debby, my personal assistant.”

Tyler nods and sends her a fake smile. He's glad they’re both playing along.

„Let’s sit down. Your wife was supposed to join us as well, if I remember correctly?” Brendon asks, stepping back to his chair.

„We had a family emergency. She had to stay in Los Angeles.”

_Wife._

Tyler clenches his fists under the table.

\- - -

The dinner goes surprisingly smoothly. At least as smooth as the big elephant in the room lets them.

Tyler doesn't talk much. He speaks only when someone asks him a question and it's usually Brendon who tries to convince him to open up. 

He sticks to watching the guests. He makes an eye-contact with Josh a couple of times but always looks away first.

It's weird, seeing him after all these years. He hasn't changed much, maybe the creases under his eyes are a little bit deeper now. When Josh busies himself talking to Brendon, Tyler glances discreetly at the silver jewelry on Josh's finger. He starts playing with his own wedding ring shortly after. 

He feels Debby's eyes on him and suddenly, it’s hard to breathe. 

The walls seem to be closing in and he can't breathe because Josh is right next to him and Tyler can smell his perfume and the memories come back at once like a boomerang. 

It shouldn't matter. 

It shouldn't matter because it's been four years since the last time he's seen Josh. It shouldn't matter because his life is different now, he's married to Brendon and he's in love with his husband. It shouldn't matter because he's happy.

Yet somehow, looking at Josh makes his heart _hurt._

\- - -

As soon as the conversation at the table takes a little bit lighter turn, switching from business to sports and movies, Tyler makes his escape.

„Smoke break.” He whispers into Brendon's ear and kisses his cheek. He fishes the pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his suit jacket. 

His husband sends him a look of disapproval but before he can say a word, Tyler is up and out of the door. 

Brendon is supportive. Out of the whole bunch of bad habits Tyler got himself into after moving back to Ohio, smoking is the only thing that Brendon still agrees to, even if he's not happy with it. But after cutting off drugs and alcohol after getting too close to becoming an addict, Tyler feels like he's allowed to enjoy this one little thing.

He’s about halfway through his cigarette before the door opens, making him jump a bit. Someone leans against the wall right next to him, lighting their own cigarette behind a cupped palm. Tyler knows immediately who it is, he doesn't have to look at his _smoking buddy._

„I didn't know you were into that.” Josh says, throwing his head back and exhaling a little cloud of smoke. „It's a really bad habit. Since when do you smoke?”

„Since I left California.” Tyler says, inhaling deeply. „Since when do _you_ smoke?”

„Since you left California.” Josh mumbles, more to himself than anyone else but Tyler hears him anyway. 

A long moment of silence falls between them. They don't speak until they both finish their cigarettes. 

„So you're the big deal now, huh?” Tyler finds himself asking, throwing the butt of his cigarette to the ground and stepping on it. „Congratulations. I always knew you would go far.”

„Thanks. Worked my ass off for this. Took the CEO position last year.”

„And promoted Debby to be your PA?”

„She's too smart and creative to spend her life behind the reception desk.”

Tyler hums in understanding.

„Wife?” He asks before he can change his mind, motioning to Josh's hand.

„Yeah.” Josh nods. 

He doesn't seem to be interested in talking about his personal life. 

„Interesting.” Tyler says, pressing his back against the cold bricks. At this point he doesn't even care whether he gets his shirt dirty or not.

„So... Brendon, huh?” Josh asks in return. „How long have you been married?”

„Two years in September.”

„He seems like a good guy.” 

„He found me in a really dark place and managed to pull me out of my self-destructive shell. So yeah, I would say so.”

„Tyler-”

„What the _fuck_ , Josh.” Tyler hisses angrily, losing his patience. He pushes himself off the wall and stands directly in front of the other man. All the questions he wanted to ask four years ago finally make their way out of his mouth. „Was I not good enough? You could just tell me, I would try to change. What did you expect of me? To find a better job? To be better in bed? To be more social, healthier, less fucked up, speak more, smile more... _what_!?" Tyler raises his voice with the last word. „Why did you never discuss any of those things with me, why did you feel the need to go to Jesse right away? I would change, Josh. I would. I moved to the other side of the country for you, I gave up my dream job in Columbus, I gave up everything for you without hesitation... Changing a couple of more things would not be a problem!”

„I didn't want you to change.” Josh looks him in the eyes. He looks sad. „You were perfect. You _are_ perfect.”

„Then why would you even propose if you knew that you didn't want to be with me!?” Tyler throws his hands above his head. „It fucking hurt. It hurt because I thought you really wanted to marry me and I was so wrong!”

„I _did_ want to marry you!”

„Then why the hell did you cheat on me!?"

Josh hangs his head.

„I don't know.” He whispers, bringing his hand to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. „I- I don't know.” He repeats and looks up at Tyler again. His eyes are glassy. „You were the best thing- And I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I wanted to fix this-”

„You never tried to find me.” Tyler interrupts. „You never even called.”

„By the time I found the courage to call you, your phone number was already unavailable. When I finally got hold of your mother, she threatened to kill me if I got anywhere near you ever again.” Josh sighs. „But now I'm wondering what was the point? Would you even consider forgiving me?”

„No.” Tyler says firmly. „But hearing some kind of explanation would be nice.”

„I'm sorry, Tyler.”

„Save it, Josh.”

„I loved you.”

„I said: save it.” Tyler closes his eyes and breathes deeply for a few seconds. „I just want to know one thing. And I want you to be honest with me. How long were you seeing Jesse behind my back before I left?”

„Does it even matter?”

„It matters to me. How long?”

„A couple of months.” Josh admits, lowering his gaze. „Six. Yeah, six. Half a year.”

„You-” Tyler frowns. „You were already seeing him for two months before we got engaged?” He asks in disbelief. „And then you proposed and... and you were still seeing him?”

„Tyler-”

„What the hell, Josh... What the fuck!”

„I wanted to end it!” Josh yells. „I wanted to end it but I couldn't, I was too deep in this mess and it got harder and harder every day! I thought I would be able to stop after our engagement but I couldn't. I couldn't.”

Tyler rubs his hands over his face. His whole body starts shaking.

„I can't listen to this crap anymore. This is-” He shakes his head, turns on his heel and starts walking. „Fuck this. I'm done here.”

„Where are you going!?” Josh calls after him.

„Home!”

„But-”

„Goodbye, Josh.” Tyler looks over his shoulder. „Send your wife my regards.”

\- - -

He doesn't remember the way back home. The only thing he remembers is sending a short text message to Brendon, saying that he's not feeling well and he’s taking a taxi home.

He doesn't even bother taking off his shoes or clothes. He falls face down onto the couch in the living room and screams in the pillow until his voice chords can't take it anymore.

\- - -

He wakes to the sound of the front door closing with a loud slam. He lifts his head and looks around, focusing his eyes on the clock on the wall.

It’s ten minutes to ten.

„Tyler!” Brendon calls from the hallway and shows up in the living room a second later. „Disappearing like that was the dumbest thing you've ever done. You scared the hell outta me, do you think one text would calm me down? You left your jacket and-” Brendon's voice dies in his throat when he comes closer and stops in front of Tyler. He kneels on the carpet and takes a look around. His eyes start scanning the floor and they stop at the sight of a bunch of dirty tissues scattered next to the couch. „Were you crying?” Brendon asks, alarmed. He places his hand on the side of Tyler's neck and rubs it gently. „What happened? Baby, look at me. Come on, sit up, please. Are you alright?”

„I'm fine, I'm fine.” Tyler nods quickly, sitting up. His husband immediately sits down next to him. „I was just being stupid. I'm sorry I left without any explanation. How did the rest of the meeting go? Did you sign the contract?”

„Don't change the subject. Did something happen during the dinner? Someone upset you? What caused this?”

„I've told you, I was being stupid. You know me and my ridiculous anxiety.”

„Hey, it's not ridiculous. You know it's not.” Brendon wraps his arms around him and pulls Tyler closer, letting him lean against his side. „But I remember you promising me that you would always come to me if you ever felt bad or anxious.”

„I didn't want to ruin the meeting.” Tyler says, pushing his face in the crook of Brendon's neck. „I know how important signing this contract was to you.”

„Screw the contract. You're always my first priority.” The older man promises, placing a long kiss on Tyler's forehead. „I know that something happened. I won't push you to tell me right now but I expect you to bring it up at some point soon, so we can talk about it and work it out, okay?”

Tyler nods.

„Okay.”

„Alright. Now, come on. Let's get you out of these clothes. We'll take a warm bath and cuddle in bed for the rest of the evening, how does that sound?”

„Perfect.”

\- - -

„Josh.” Tyler blurts out later that night, when they're lying in bed, with his head on Brendon’s chest and the other man’s hand in his hair.

Brendon stops playing with his hair and slowly opens his eyes. He tilts his head to look at him. 

„Josh?”

„Yeah.”

„What about him?”

Tyler hesitates but when Brendon embraces him tighter and laces their fingers together, he knows he can't hide this information from him anymore.

„Josh is my ex-fiance.”

Brendon freezes. He lets go of Tyler's hand and slowly props himself up on his elbow, making Tyler's head slide from his chest to the pillow. He looks down at him and frowns, suddenly completely awake.

„Josh. Joshua Dun.”

„Yes.”

„My business partner from Los Angeles.”

„Yes.”

„He's your ex-fiance.” Brendon repeats dumbly. „The same ex-fiance who cheated on you and ruined your self-esteem.”

„I don’t remember having any other ex-fiances.” Tyler tries to joke but it falls flat when Brendon keeps looking at him with the same confused expression on his face.

„What kind of fucked up coincidence is that?”

„Tell me about it.” Tyler sighs. „He joined me for a smoke. We talked and it didn't end up pretty. I had to leave, I just knew I wouldn't be able to sit at the same table until the end of the meeting.”

„Why didn't you tell me?” Brendon asks. „I mean, I saw your reaction when I introduced him to you but didn't think too much of it. You should have told me. I would break his fucking face.”

„I knew you would. That's why I didn't tell you anything.” Tyler smiles and leans in to give Brendon a kiss. „It's alright. I overreacted. I tried to be as professional as you expected me to be but it became too much. Especially after we _talked_.”

„What did you talk about?”

„It doesn't matter. I don't really want to think about it anymore.”

„He came back inside looking pale as hell.” Brendon says. „Now I feel bad about signing the deal.”

„No, no, no. This is business, it's okay-”

„It's not okay! I don't want to work with dickheads who ruin other people's lives! He ruined you, Tyler! He hurt you, you're depressed because of _him_. He almost turned you into an alcoholic and a drug addict-”

„It's not like he was the one pouring vodka down my throat or preparing lines of cocaine for me, Brendon.” Tyler says and sits up, resting his back against the headboard.

„Stop justifying him!” The older man raises his voice.

„I'm not justifying him. He hurt me but it was me who chose the easiest way out. Because I was _weak_.” Tyler glares at him. „I still _am_ weak. If I was at least a little bit stronger, I would go back to Columbus, forget about him and move on with my life instead of looking for easy fucks and cheap drugs. If I was at least a little bit stronger, I would say: _hey Josh, what a surprise, how have you been?_ If I was at least a little bit stronger, I would come back inside the restaurant, sit there with my head up high and proudly hold your hand. But I didn't. Because even if we didn't talk much, it was enough to give me a fucking mental breakdown. Because _I. am. weak._ ”

Something in Brendon's expression changes and he crawls closer to Tyler, gathering him back into his arms. He hugs him tightly and starts rocking them gently.

„Don't ever say that you're weak. Please. You're the strongest person I know.” Brendon mumbles against his bare shoulder. „You're anything but weak. You push forward every day. I know how hard it is and I'm so proud of you! If you were weak, you wouldn't be here today. You're strong and you're a fighter. And I love you so much.”

Tyler rests his hands on Brendon's back and tries to relax, using his fingertips to trace random patterns on his husband's skin.

He doesn't say anything for a moment, gathering his thoughts. He knows he needs to put an end to this mess.

„You know, after I left...” He starts, his voice quiet. „I mean, four years ago, after I left Los Angeles, I kept wondering: is love even for me? What's the point of living? Because if not Josh, then no one else. If Josh gave up on me, then there's absolutely no hope for me.” Tyler sighs and pulls back, looking at Brendon. „But then you showed up out of nowhere, invited yourself into my life and you proved me wrong. You chased away my darkest shadows and you showed me that it's worth to fight for happiness. And I'm fighting but I am still weak. I know you hate when I say it but that's the truth. But I really want to learn to be stronger and I want to keep fighting because now I have someone who's worth fighting for.” He says, putting his hand on Brendon's cheek and the other man smiles, covering Tyler's hand with his own. „I want to be strong for you-” Tyler continues. „-but I want you to be strong for me too. I want you to push your anger to the side. I want you to focus on all the good things that will come because of this contract. If signing the deal with Josh will make your company grow stronger, let it be this way. It's not like you will be seeing him everyday. He will be in Los Angeles and you'll stay in Columbus. The only thing that connects you now is your signature on a piece of paper. If you ever have to meet him again, that's fine. I believe that you can handle this professionally. You need to be able to separate your private life and work.”

„Ty...” Brendon murmurs, lacing their fingers together and bringing Tyler's hand to his lips. He kisses Tyler's knuckles. 

„We're only people, Brendon. People tend to make mistakes and hurt others. Me and Josh have our bittersweet past. But I have a husband now and he has a wife. I don't know if he's happy in his relationship but I know that _I am_. I have the best husband I could ever dream of and I love him very much.” Tyler smiles and the other man mirrors his expression. „Yes, meeting Josh today triggered a panic attack but that's just because I got the answers I should have gotten four years ago and they weren't the answers I expected to hear. I overreacted because he was my first real love and he gave me hope but ended up screwing me over. And hearing him admit how much he fucked up made me angry and emotional even after all those years.”

„I understand.” Brendon nods. „Of course I understand. I had a hard time moving on from my first real love too.”

„But it's been four years. Aren't you mad that Josh still has such a big impact on me?”

„No.” Brendon shakes his head. „I'm not mad at you because I have absolutely no reason to be. I trust you.”

„Thank you.”

„And if you want me to stay civil with Josh, I will.”

„I think it will be the best for everyone.” Tyler says. 

„See? You think you’re weak but all the things you just said? They only prove that you’re stronger than you realize.” The other man smiles and shifts on the bed, lying back down. „Come here.” 

Brendon takes Tyler’s hand and they quickly recreate their position from a few minutes ago. 

Tyler feels safe in his husband’s arms. He feels loved. 

„I love you.” He says because Brendon deserves to be reminded about it as often as it’s possible.

„I love you too.” The older man says, placing a long kiss on Tyler’s forehead. „Let’s get some sleep. It was a crazy day.”

\- - -

A year later, Tyler doesn’t even think about overanalyzing the past anymore and Brendon’s urge to break something in Tyler’s ex-fiance’s body is long gone. All the bad chapters are closed, problems solved, misunderstandings worked out.

Moving on turns out to be great when you finally make amends with yourself and everyone around you, let go of the things that hold you back and start living with a clear mindset.

\- - -

„Hey! How was LA?” Tyler asks, wrapping his arms around Brendon’s neck before the other man can fully step into the hallway of their house.

„Boring.” Brendon laughs, dropping his suitcase to the floor and using his foot to close the door.

„How come?”

„You weren’t there.”

„Aww.” Tyler coos and pecks Brendon on the lips. „I missed you. Any good news?”

„We’re joining forces with Seattle. Josh slayed the negotiations.”

„Now this is pretty good news!”

„Yes. But I have a better one.”

„Oh? Better than signing the contract with the guys from Seattle?”

„Yes. And I was gonna tell you over dinner but I’m gonna tell you now because I can’t wait any longer.”

„Okay?” Tyler frowns with a smile and takes a step back. 

Brendon rests his hands on his husband’s shoulders and takes a deep breath. 

„The adoption agency called me back.” He says, excitedly nibbling on his bottom lip. „They gave us the green light. Twins are ours.”

\- - -

Moving on is hard. Really hard.

Tyler knows it.

But he also knows that when it finally happens, it feels absolutely fantastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap.


End file.
